Wow… what’s the matter, are you too scared to show your face? Too scared to man up to the cruel words you can just type to me??
It may not be hard for you, and obviously you don’t have an eating disorder, but it’s fucking hell. Do I like food? Yes, I love to cook, I love to create beautiful plates filled with thousands of calories, I love watching people smile while they try something delicious. But I don’t eat it, because I don’t want it in my body. I don’t want to think of the calories I consume, but I know I will because that’s just how it is. You look at the calories and try so hard to control yourself, and then you binge, and purge.
After you eat you feel the food in your stomach and it makes your head go through hell. I hate feeling full. I hate food in my stomach. The simple thought that my body is absorbing calories is disgusting. And you’re right…it is all in my head. That’s the problem. This hell I created is all my fault, in my head. It’s the only fucking thing I have control over anymore. Food. Isn’t that sick? Yeah… you have no idea how much an eating disorder hurts, do you? It’s psychological… all of it. No one can stop it. No medication, no help from others, nothing. YOU have to be ready to recover, and if you’re not then it will eat you from the inside, out.
And even if you do recover, by some small chance. Even if you do make it out of this hell, that ghost will always live with you. Your life will never be the same, and you love it and hate it all the same. There’s no way out of this. It gets better, but it never goes away.
So yes…I could just “fucking eat”. It’s not that I won’t. It’s just that after I eat my mind tortures me, I hurt myself. I feel beautiful when I don’t eat. It kills me. Feeling empty is so beautiful too me, and I’m smart enough to know that it’s killing me. My idea of beauty is obviously distorted to you… Regardless, if you really wanted me to just “fucking eat” then you wouldn’t be so cruel. Maybe you should read up on it a little more before you come attack me, especially through anon.
<3 :) Chest and Abs. You do too! Don’t stop, fight through it. You’ll feel better when you’re done!
Thanks so much, I wish I could see that through all this bullshit. If you ever need anyone I’m here for you <3
Exactly. I want someone to like literally just love the shit out of me. But no one will. Because I refuse to take off my clothes in front of any guy. Does that change the fact that I want a good fuck? That I want someone to love me? No.
I wouldn’t answer a question like this typically… but it’s honesty hour, so I’m obligated to. I’m not really sure. I haven’t used anything to induce vomiting in a while now… I would usually just stand in front of the toilet, bend over, and it would all just come out. If I had to choose I would say somewhere between the two would probably work best.
Thank you, you don’t know how much I need this right now. You too <3
I know, I ate like 20 Kix… you know the cereal? And for the life of me I couldn’t purge I was so frustrated. And I know what you mean, purging is like a cushion to my anorexia. It’s sick.. :\
Uhm wow, I never thought I’d get a question like this… but my first purge was to Blackbird by the beatles, but it was the cover done by Alicia Keys. Currently I’ve been into Sia a whole lot and the song I listen to each time is My Love. I don’t know if I’m the only one who does this shit but whatever. And thank you love but it’s not about whether I deserve it, it makes me feel good. But stay strong anon!
Awww, thank you so much <3 You are just as beautiful, inside and out.